AHP: Playhouse for the Sick and Hilarious!
by luffykotheeevee
Summary: A simple Playhouse for those wanting hilarity and fun. No Lemons at all. This is my personal playhouse for one-shots, drabbles, and short stories relating to OP: A Hundred Perspectives. Will use OCs.Any and all pairings are shown here at the playhouse. By the way, if you want to suggest a theme for our next Production you certainly are welcome to... in a review, of course.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I will never own One Piece. I only own Maeve, Jodie, Aoi, Bullet, and A.A.A

Title: Silence is Golden, Duct Tape is Silver, and Blackmail is Bronze!

Things you need to know- AU, Yaoi, SmoAce, Language,

Rating: M (This is actually rated for language!)

/

Luffykotheeevee: Our story starts at about ten in the morning. A rusty, red Ford was heading into town at slightly higher than average (read insanely fast) speeds. Inside the truck is where our protagonist, Foley Maeve, is currently screaming every insult at the driver of the car and his little brother.

/

"AHHHH! ACE YOU'RE GOING TOO FAST! FUCKING PYRO!" I screamed. Honestly, when Mom told me my twin, A.A.A., and I would be spending the summer with my hyper active cousins instead of on the cruise ship with her and Dad I didn't expect it to be this bad! My 20 year old cousin, Portgas D. Ace was driving so fast it shouldn't be even legal to think about, and he kept looking around trying to see if any cops were coming acting like he did this every day. Monkey D. Luffy was laughing his ass off in the front seat, and urging the freckled man to go even faster. I was clutching the back seat in one hand and my brand new iPad in the other, all the while wondering how the hell we got into this mess. Oh, yeah, it was that stupid Law's fault! He just had to challenge Ace to a friggin' drag race! Shitty doctor!

Luffy stuck his head out the window while giving reports on where Law was, "Quick, Ace! He's gaining!" All of a sudden I see flashing lights coming from our left, signaling the 20 year old to slow down and stop at the side of the road. I sighed and practically melted onto the floor. Luffy looked back at me laying on the floor and giggled. The gray haired policeman walked up to the drivers seat window and started scribbling on a pad of paper.

"Ah, Portgas D. Ace. I thought your car looked familiar," a gravelly voice said. To me it sounded like this guy had a bad cold or something. I couldn't really think clearly because of the '_fun_' car ride. The next thing I knew Luffy was getting out of the old truck and walking into the forest we parked next to.

"Ah! Smoker, how good it is to see you! I hope you don't mind but my little brother was hungry and I didn't want him to bother anyone," I nearly groaned at his polite way of speaking. But as I heard the drivers door slam shut and what Ace really had to say I almost gagged.

"And he's gone now, so I really~ hope you won't give me a ticket for this Smokey~, I can pay the ticket now~ if you want me too~." Was my cousin, the object of so many girls affections, gay! And was he actually trying to seduce the law married Smoker! And it actually works! Apparently he had forgot I was in the car! I slowly peeked out the window and saw Ace seductively wrapping his arm around the police man's neck. I was not disgusted, if he was gay okay, but shocked at what he was doing. All of a sudden I realized the perfect way to get revenge for the drag race with Law and the pranks this idiot has pulled all during the first week of summer, which started a week ago.

I brought up my iPad and hit the 'Picture Call' and 'Record' buttons the former dialing my dear twin sister A.A.A.'s iPad. The second recording what I saw. She was probably hanging out with the rest of the crew at our favorite restaurant, _The Thousand Sunny, _which was owned by some old family friends, Iceburg and Franky. She was smart enough to not ride with Ace and Luffy. When my dear look alike picked up the phone she set down the tablet for all, meaning everyone in the crew, to see. I had the screen side camera turned on and held up a finger in front of my mouth, signaling them to be quiet just to be sure. I turned the volume off so they could hear us but we couldn't hear them. I then turned on the back side camera and held it up to the window.

The crew's reactions were hilarious to say the least, I had the screen facing me so I could watch. The thing that made this revenge the sweetest was that Luffy had made it to the restaurant, our original destination, quickly. Everyone openly gaped at the two men with their faces just barely inches away from each other. Then it got even better.

Ace had pulled Smoker the cop into a passionate kiss, using tongue and all. This is where the crew's reactions differed from one another. They had heard me harp on and on about Ace being the pranking king and making my stay really hard to handle.

Zoro, Bullet, Jodie and Triple A, these were the ones hearing me complain most, were now laughing their asses off, while Chopper, Vivi and Aoi looked on in confusion. Robin simply raised an eyebrow and smiled. Franky and Usopp stared with their jaws drop to the floor while some orange pop was coming out of my long nosed friend's potato cavern. Nami was staring at the screen, eyes wide. Sanji had promptly covered Aoi's and Vivi's eyes with his hands, and I think if he had enough of them he would cover the other girl's too. Funny thing was he was watching intently at the two. Brook was laughing and I think cracking off some skull jokes. And Luffy was just staring at the screen trying to comprehend what the hell Ace was doing to Smoker. That was when my fun stopped and the horror called 'busted!' started.

Smoker had turned his head towards my window and saw the iPad pointing in his direction. He had immediately tensed trying hard to figure out what was going on. Ace had noticed his _friend's _lack of enthusiasm and followed his gaze. When my older cousin's eyes locked onto me his face contorted into one of rage, especially at seeing the iPad pointing at them. I decided to make a safe retreat.

"RUN AWAY! RETREAT! ALL UNITS RETREAT!" I couldn't help yelling out fake orders to invisible soldiers as I took off through the window on the other side of the car. Luckily Ace was too shocked seeing me spying on their affair to immediately do anything. I quickly ran into the woods that separated where the car was parked from the _Thousand Sunny. _I was laughing maniacally as I ran away from the pyro and the cop. Smoker and Ace had quickly recovered and were gaining on me in the woods. Somehow the volume on the my iPad got turned back on and I heard everyone was cheering me on. Sanji was even shouting threats at the two chasing me.

"You two even dare making my dear chocolate haired angel cry and I will come and kick your shitty asses!" the blonde cook had picked up the iPad and was shaking it in front of his face. Zoro had obviously said something cause the next minute everyone was yelling at me to run and the background noise was a fight. And you just had to love the advice my blonde haired friend was yelling.

"RUN, BITCH! RUN!" Jodie was making a ruckus due to my chase. The encouragement from my crew mates gave me the energy to keep up the pace. Ace and Smoker, however were catching up quickly. Robin also added in some much needed advice.

"Use tactic number 15, Digger-san," she said louder than usual to be heard, while cupping her hands over her mouth.

"GOOD IDEA, ROBIN!" I yelled, too excited to keep my voice down. Everyone looked confused, but I knew what she meant. Act crazy as shit and hope they are too confused to continue the chase.

"MWAHAHAHA! VICTORY IS MINE, BUTT PLUG BREATH! TURD BURGLARS! SHIT NUTS! ENEMA EATING FLOOZIES! FUCKTARDS! MWAHAHAHA! SUCK MY NONEXISTENT DICK, YOU SHEEP TERRORISTS!" that victory yell certainly got them to stop in their tracks for a second and look at each other in confusion. Smoker probably didn't even know why they were chasing me or he would be after me like white on rice! I continued on my random string of insults as I ran into the parking lot of the restaurant. Everyone was staring out the windows facing the parking lot. Smoker and Ace still hadn't quite recovered as I hid in a bush outside the _Thousand Sunny. _The reason I hid in the bush was simple. It hid a broken grate that lead into the basement of the restaurant.

"Oh, hairy balls of the gods I'm so fucked after this. But it is so fucking worth it all just for seeing Ace's face! Bwahaha!" I laughed quietly seeing that everyone was cheering. I crouched in the darkness next to the many bottles of cola stored in the cellar. The victory was made all the sweeter when the two actually walked into the room above and people started bursting out laughing. I got a really good view of the reactions of the couple since my twin held the iPad's camera towards them. Covertly, of course.

Ace was looking between everyone in the room trying to figure out what was so funny. Then a coworker of Ace's, I think his name was Marco, walked up to Ace, all the way chuckling.

"Uhhh... Ace, bro... Thanks for the show," he said before walking out the door laughing. Ace could not have turned a brighter shade of red. Suddenly Smokey turned the same color with realization and walked out of the restaurant. Ace quickly followed him, probably to continue looking for me in the forest so he could kill me and set my body on fire.

I emerged from the trapdoor in the floor next to the crew's table and a brand new wave of cheering started up. A.A.A. walked up to me and high dived me, smiling. Zoro also walked up to me and said something that made shivers run down my spine.

"That pyro's gonna fucking kill you."

"Not if I spend the rest of the summer with Robin," I said back cheekily.

/

Luffyko: Oh. My. God. This turned out better than expected. I really hope that people read and review. Please click the button below. And if your wondering who the heck is the OCs then read OP: A Hundred Perspectives. Past the first chapter please. And don't forget to send reviews. I accept challenges!


	2. Redemption

Warnings: Language, violence, and a monkey suit.

AN is at the bottom.

/

On a warm summer night, two boys screamed bloody murder. The voices came from none other than North Blue Mall's men's restroom.

/

Luffy grinned, because the plan was going to be the best thing ever. He could barely contain his excitement! All the others had better have brought the food and the smaller equipment. Man, Ace would have to forgive Maeve for the incident(1), especially if she pulls this off.

/

Nami anxiously peeked out from the clothing store she was hiding in. The old mall cop Monkey D. Garp was now locking up the outside, he went home for the night tonight, while the two new guard-trainees, Coby and Helmeppo, waved him goodbye. She just had to wait for the signal. Maeve had apparently already gotten into her disguise and now was on her way.

/

Zoro, Usopp, and Franky were crouched down behind some half price hockey equipment. Zoro grunted in frustration at the un-planned for delay. At least he wasn't paired with the ero-cook. Honestly if he had just written the directions for the others they wouldn't be late!

"Keep an eye on your phone, Usopp. We don't want to miss the signal." the green haired man whispered peeking out from behind some poles. The youngest of the three replied courageously.

"Please, the great Captain Usopp will definitely help Maeve out of this predicament!(1)" The other two men shushed him. Suddenly a beam of light swept across the room, and the boys tensed, preparing to run like hell. The long nosed boy's knees were shaking badly.

"Calm down, guys! Have you seen Sanji and Robin anywhere? Do you know if they are in position?" a voice whispered across the room. Franky grew a tic mark and whispered a reply back angrily.

"They are in position already! We're just waiting on you to lead the two guards out! If we don't get this done soon how do you expect Ace to forget about the thing with Smoker?(1)"

The voice sounded embarrassed and whispered back, "Oops. Sorry! I'm gonna go get ready!"

/

"Well well well, Digger-san has started towards the bathroom. Cook-san, isn't it about time you got into position as well?" the deep female voice floated through the darkened video room. Another voice replied in a perverted way.

"Of course, Robin-chwan! Just watch as this handsome knight saves the lovely Maeve-chwan!" the blonde man loudly declared, spinning in place and spewing cartoon hearts.

He then left the room to head towards the food court. The woman smiled as she watched a weirdly shaped figure run into the bathroom holding some horrifying objects.

/

"Yohohoho! Ah, Maeve-san is quite brave to attempt this. I wouldn't have the guts! Yohoho! But I'm a skeleton so I have no guts! Skull joke!" a voice laughed from a small storage area. Inside the small closet-like room was a six feet tall skeleton and a small toddler shaped animal, the former holding a square shaped piece of technology. The small animal spoke up in a childish voice.

"Brook, we have to be quiet! The minute we get the text we have to be ready to film this! I have to agree with you, though. Maeve is really going to do this." all of a sudden the iPad lit up showing a text message. It said two words in bold. '**It's time!'**

/

Throughout the mall eight other phones lit up with the same message. At the same time a long string of moans and groans started. Coby and Helmeppo had volunteered to take this shift without their mentor. They aren't going to volunteer that for a long time. The skeleton and reindeer managed to get most of the following on tape. What they couldn't catch on the iPad, the black haired woman recorded in the camera room.

/

"Help~ me~ ,someone~, anyone~..." a chilly voice moaned. The voice sent shivers down the two trainees spines. The blonde one clung to his pink haired friend's leg as he looked around wildly. Coby had broken out into a cold sweat and was listening to the moaning continue.

"D-d-do you t-think we s-should ch-che-check it out? Helmeppo?" the pink haired boy stuttered. The blonde shook his head quickly, not able to speak. Coby sighed and tried to force himself to be brave.

"W-well it's p-probably just one of Garp-san's training tests. Yeah, that's it! Just a test!" the younger of the two looked relieved to have found a reasonable explanation for the strange noises. Helmeppo seemed to believe him as the blonde released his leg and started creeping towards the sound.

"Yeah! Just Garp trying to scare us!"

"Shhhh! I think it's coming from the men's room!" Coby whispered anxiously.

/

This was going to be fun. Nothing could change the fact that I was going to do this and get away with it. Ace was going to have to forgive me for the whole 'Caught on tape' thing(1). I heard the two trainees approaching footsteps towards the gray colored door and moaned a little louder.

I was crouching on the toilet seat with my back faced towards the stall door. That way I could hide the special 'toys' I had 'borrowed' from my dear resident psycho, Killer. I was also wearing a special outfit for the occasion. An awesome monkey suit with the mouth cut out so I could see my prey(2). I stopped moaning as the stall door opened. I slowly turned my head around to see the two boys staring, jaws dropped in horror.

"Hmmmm... Boys these days don't know how to knock," I started, pulling the chainsaw from behind my back and revving it up, "Guess I'll have to teach you a lesson. PERMANENTLY."

In their defense, it was an actual, running chainsaw, and I was an actual, creepy-ass, monkey-cosplaying psychopath. They screamed loudly, knees shaking, and I'm pretty sure the blonde one wet himself. Pinkie decided to grab his friend's arm and run out of the restroom. I followed laughing maniacally all the way, easily keeping up with the younger teens. All the way yelling random things.

"COME ON NOW! DON'T BE LIKE THAT TO DEAR MISTER FLUFFYKINS! HE ONLY WANTS TO HUG YOUR ORGANS!" I yelled swinging the chainsaw around. That only made them run faster and there was a suspicious stain on blondie's pants. Just like in the plan the two were running towards the exit next to _The Hyperion's_(3)_ Gym Equipment Store. _I stopped and slowly moved over to the side so they could run past towards the next part of our plan.

/

In a sudden flash of movement three figures jumped out into the moonlight. One was a large man holding a giant axe which he was swinging around like it was nothing. The second was a slightly shorter teen wielding three swords and had a bandana covering his head. He looked like a demon the way his eyes called for blood. The smallest guy did not look very threatening on his own, but the giant 5-ton hammer on his shoulder certainly made an impression. The two stopped and gaped at the three men blocking their path.

"If you insist on continuing..." the smallest one started, tossing the five ton hammer between his hands.

"Then we will have a feast..." the largest one continued, fiddling with his axe.

"On your CORPSES!" the man holding the swords yelled the last word, impressive feat for a guy with a sword in his mouth, happily tilting his head to the side. The way he acted resembled that of a hungry shark, eager an ready for blood.

"WHAAAAAAA!" the two vanished running down the rows of stores quicker than they came, not noticing the chuckling coming from the three 'demons'. And a monkey hot on their heels.

/

Man, Zoro could freakin make you want to piss yourself sometimes! We were lucky they hadn't fainted right there!

"AWWWW! YOU AREN'T ANY FUN! FIRST YOU DON'T PLAY WITH FLUFFYKINS AND NOW YOU DON'T WANT TO PLAY WITH CUDDLES, POPSY, OR FLOOZIE! HOW COULD YOU BE SO CRUEL!" I shouted gaining there attention with another rev of the chainsaw. They were crying so hard! I kinda felt bad for them they were so pitiful! I decided to be merciful and chased them into the food court. Sanji and Luffy would help from here.

/

The two guards were cornered, the monkey with the chainsaw had followed them into the food court. It swung the chainsaw around happily it sawed through on of the tables on its way over to the two teenagers. Then two voices resounded throughout the large room.

"Ne, ne, is it time to cook the food yet! If you don't hurry I'm gonna eat it raw!" a happy male voice said coming from the left of the monkey.

"Oi, baka. That food will be our sacrifice tonight! You want to eat more, right?" a suaver male tone echoed from the monkey's right. All of a sudden the monkey swung the chainsaw around voicing the plans in a happy-go-lucky tone.

"NO! DEAR MISTER FLUFFYKINS WANTS TO PLAY WITH THEM! HE WANTS TO PLAY DOCTOR AND BRAIN SURGEON AND WOOD CHOPPER! HE WANTS TO HUG THEM TILL THEY ESPLODEY!(4)"

That was when the two couldn't take anymore and fainted foam seeping out of their mouths.

/

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!" a certain orange haired girl walked up behind me. She was not happy.

"Where the hell did you get a fucking chainsaw! And why are you dressed like that! We were going to scare them out of the mall, not give them a heart attack!" Nami was upset about the change in plans. The others followed and stared at the now dubbed Mr. Fluffykins. I decided to push some more buttons.

"What are you talking about? I planned Fluffykins from the start! Man, Nami, you should really pay more attention," I turned off my chainsaw and removed my monkey-head.

"What the hell do you mean planned from the start! You could have killed someone!"

"Ne, Robin and Brook, did you get all that?" Luffy ignored Nami beating me up for going to far.

"Yes, Luffy-san, and Maeve-san you made my heart stop, wait, I'm a skeleton so I have no heart! Yohohoho! Skull joke!"

"Hahaha! Plan make Ace forgive Maeve is a success!" I yelled dancing around.

"Hooray!"

/

The next day, Heathcliffe Sarutobi(3) walked through the food court on his way to work. He stopped seeing a large crowd of people huddled together. Curious, he walked over. There lying on the ground next to a chopped up table were the two guard trainees, huddled together and mumbling under their breath something about monkey-demons and chainsaws.

/

AN: Okay there is something wrong with me. Very wrong. I gave myself nightmares over this chapter. Anyway thanks to Yuki-Rin for reviewing! It always makes me happy to hear from my readers! Anyways I always accept challenges and plot bunnies have a home! Be sure to look for further appearances from the Capricorn Pirates!

1: Please read Blackmail is Bronze, the first little story.

2: For an Image of the monkey suit and position she is sitting in look up 'Kyoto and the cardmaster Negima!' it should be the second picture.

3: The Hyperion and Heathcliffe belong to Oxynsertia D Yuki-Rin.

4: Pronounced Es-plode-ee


	3. Capricorn Festival!

Disclaimer: Okay, Maeve belongs to me, Capricorns belong Yuki-Rin, and One piece belongs to Oda-sama!

/

One day the Straw-Hat pirates were sitting on the Thousand Sunny all preoccupied with their regular duties. All except one, certain little fifteen year old mortician with multiple personality disorder. Yes, none other than Foley Maeve was sitting up in the weight room/lookout room anxiously awaiting for something to arrive.

"Don't worry, Aoi, Daisuke said he'll send back his letter soon. No Bullet, I'm not going to tell Zoro to pack his bags and run, it's a given. Look there's the mail-gull!" the brown haired girl said, jumping up from her seat. Not a minute later a large gull landed outside the window and handed her a letter. She tore it open and began reading it.

"Kishishi! This is going to be the best party ever!" she laughed victoriously holding over her head. Meanwhile, the other Strawhats, Shickibukai, Supernovas, and certain other people felt chills going down their spines.

/

"Eh hem," a young voiced huffed hoping to catch the oranges haired navigator's attention. Nami looked up from her paper to see that Maeve had come up next to her and was waiting for a reaction. She sighed and put her paper down.

"What do you want now, Maeve? I already gave you your allowance for this island," she said slowly sitting up from her lawn chair.

"THE CAPRICORN PIRATES(7) ARE COMING TO THE ISLAND!" Maeve shouted dancing happily in a victory dance. At her shout the other Strawhats ran onto the deck. Most had looks of horror painted on their faces, while a few others (Sanji and Robin) had different reactions. Sanji was yelling something about 'mellorine' and 'Yuki-Rin-swan' and the archeologist was asking the important questions.

"Navigator-san how long until we can leave the island. We can probably leave before we encounter them."

"The log post won't set for another three days! Maeve, how long till they get here?" Nami said standing up. The Strawhats had stopped freaking out to learn how long they had before the apocalypse came. Maeve had paused her dance as well.

"Oh! They're coming at about three! It's about ten now so we have time! I promised Daisuke and Yuki-Rin that we'll throw a party in their honor! They also said something about if there's no party then Hancock is going to speak at the Learning Annex(1) again. Hey what's the Learning Annex? It sounds fun!" she said tilting her head to the side. The Strawhats stared in shock at what the fifteen year old had said. Suddenly Usopp had clapped his hands down on her shoulders and was staring at her.

"No. 'Seeing' Boa Hancock at the Learning Annex does not sound like fun. Not again," his voice carried the tone called 'epitome of seriousness'. She looked surprised before slowly taking the long nosed man's hand off her shoulder.

"Usopp, remember the last time you did that and I quote, told you 'the next time you put your hands on my shoulder without asking I will feed you to my giant-mutant-fire-breathing-chicken that knows karate(2)' or am I just that crazy," she slowly looked the now trembling man the eye.

The Strawhats were paying no attention to the two 'discussion' the mortician and sniper were having, and instead were freaking out. Suddenly the cook snapped out of 'love-love' mode and said something intelligent.

"OI! It's no use whining about it. We must make an example out of something inspirational! Like..." he shoved his hand in his jacket pocket searching for something, "This!" he pulled out a poster and started to unroll it. He fumbled with it for a few minutes, cussing under his breath, before holding it up with a grin on his face. The poster was red and and had a crown at the top. Then there were the words 'Keep calm and move on' underneath that. Maeve had to rub her eyes to make sure she wasn't seeing things.

"Sanji, where the hell did you get that poster? Bullet(3) if you want to know something ask Aoi,(3)" she said staring at the love cook. The cook shrugged and put the poster away.

"Anyway~, let's get ready! This is my first time meeting my pen pal Daisuke in person! He told me a lot about the Capricorns! Like how Yuki-Rin is one of the most awesomeness people on the Grand Line, and how Kartik is really uptight, but kind of like a father at the same time!" the mortician fist pumped happily.

The Strawhats, seeing no way out of throwing a party, decided to just hope everything wouldn't become too hard to handle. Luffy decided to try an lift his crew's spirits.

"Yosh! Let's get ready for the party!"

"Aye!" the Strawhats shouted.

/

Fifteen minutes later, Maeve was in town with Zoro gathering some important items. The green haired man was pushing a shopping cart that was now filled with sake, salami, pink flamingo yard decorations, toilet paper, and child size underwear. Maeve was walking up to the Heart pirates, and after a moment of heated discussion grabbed a confused Trafalgar Law and set him in the shopping cart. Bepo scurried along behind, doing nothing to save his captain.

"What the hell! Why did you just kidnap me!? This is too mainstream to be ignored!" the Supernova yelled, trying to climb out of the shopping cart. The two Strawhats ignored him and continued walking towards the Kidd pirates. This time Zoro walked over to the captain and first mate of the Kidd pirates and pulled out the special 'equipment'. Chloroform soaked socks. He shoved the socks over the two pirate's faces and caught them before they crumpled to the ground. Law stared in absolute shock.

"Okay, what the fuck are you doing?" he asked, now out of the shopping cart. The brown haired girl looked back at him.

"Oh! You really shouldn't have done that, hamsniffer. Prepare to meet the hipster sparkly vampire with no life, also known as the ULTIMATE TORTURE DEVICE! MWAHAHA!" she laughed evilly holding up a frozen piece of liverwurst. She then hit Law with her frozen piece of German sausage and knocked him out for the next hour.

/

Next thing he knew, the Law had woken up in a dark room with a table in it. The only other person their was, for some reason or another, Robin.

"Well, hipster-san, you have two choices, cooperate or die by sock monkeys. Your choice."

"Uhhh... Fine what do I have to do?" Zoro walked in the room and pointed at him.

"For today only, you will pretend to be my cousin visiting from New York."

"That's too main stream. I'll be from the town of Nowhere." he replied, starting to stand up.

"Are you gonna dress Usopp up as a pink dog?" the female Strawhat asked.

"Yep."

"Do it." the swordsman said.

/

Now we cut to the town where the mortician was carrying some suspicious boxes away from the Kidd pirates' ship. She was singing to no-one in particular.

"Ne ne Lord meron sooda choudai desu yo

Ne ne Lady ne ne Lady

Kono mae tabeta chokoreeto baa no

Ano aji ga wasurarenai desu yo

Maru kaite chikyuu

Maru kaite chikyuu

Maru kaite chikyuu

Shiikun desu yo~

Maru kaite chikyuu

Jitto mite chikyuu

Hyotto shite chikuu

Shiikun desu yo~". (4)

_"Did I mention Sealand from Hetalia was next to her?"_ the narrator from Sgt. Frog asked.

_"Hey, YOU! I thought I told you that you weren't narrating this story! Get da fuq outta thees place, BE-ATCH!"_ Dark-Luffyko shouted brandishing her flamethrower.

"_AH! OKAY, OKAY! I'm leaving, sheesh. You know gambling debts pile up, right?"_

"_Fuck yeah you are! It's all right Wiffles, the stupid man won't come back. Now we have all the cracky fan fictions to ourselves,"_ the authoress's dark side shouted back, lovingly stroking the flamethrower at the same time.

"Anyway, now that the fourth wall has been broken, Sealand! Go fetch me some swordfish, so I may make fruit cake!" Maeve shouted to her strolling partner.

"Hai!"

"Mwahahaha! Now time to alert the U.N.S." she said pulling out a banana.

"Your calling the military!?" Luffy said staring in horror at the banana.

"No Luffy, she's calling the pizza place." Usopp anime slapped Luffy while the mortician sweat dropped.

"Your both wrong! I'm calling the Ultimate Ninja Seagulls!" she said throwing the banana at them. She then pulled out a taco.

"Go get Chopper. I need some help only talking animals can help with." the brown haired girl commanded, munching on the taco.

"No! Usopp and I have to play card games on motorcycles!" the two were now cosplaying as Yusei Fudo and Jack Atlas.

"Okay fine. Get outta here!"

/

The party had been set up and all were waiting for the Capricorn pirates to come. The entire party included the Strawhats, Supernovas, CP9, Shickibukai, Shanks, Ace, Perona, and for some reason a ten year old boy.

/

"Finally! I thought we would never beat the platypus laying dragon monkey and recover Hana's copy of the Hunger Games." Yuki-Rin said as the _Hyperion _sailed towards the island where the Strawhats were waiting. Daisuke kept giggling for no reason known to the Capricorns.

"Oi, baka, what the hell is so funny?" Yulia asked, turning towards her fellow thief. He shook his head and exited to the deck. He then walked over to Hana Yukashi, stepping through the Sarutobi brothers' game of strip old maid.

"Hey! I was winning!" an enraged Heatcliffe yelled. His well trained pecs glistened in the sunlight since he had no shirt on. Unfortunately for the Heathcliffe fan girls, he had managed to hold on to his black skinny jeans.

"Yeah, well I LOST THE GAME!" Holden shouted, dressed only in his boxers.

_"There is a lot of fan service in this part of the chapter,"_ light-Luffyko deadpanned.

_"Shut up, bitch! I'm too busy staring at Holden and his soft hair!"_ dark-Luffyko yelled bringing out her beloved flamethrower, Wiffles.

"And the 4th wall has once more been broken," Kartik said, not even looking up from his copy of _Romeo and Juliet._

"Yo, Hana! When are we going to get to the next island?" Daisuke yelled, ignoring the three brothers and one shipwright behind him.

"Uhm... About five minutes before it comes into view, I guess," the navigator looked up from her GrellXSebastian doujinshi.

"Yay!"

/

About ten minutes later, the Capricorn pirates had landed and were now on the deck of the Thousand Sunny. They were just about to start introductions.

"Anyway, for those of you who don't know, I'm Yuki-Rin, captain of the Capricorn Pirates!" a sixteen year old girl with wavy brown hair and brown eyes said shaking hands with the fifteen year old mortician.

"The name's Foley Maeve! I have other people living in my head that go by the name of Hagiwara Aoi, Walker Jodie, and Pants Bullet(3)! Please don't call me crazy or I will feed the authoress to the sea kings!" she replied not noticing light-Luffyko put the third scratch mark on the 'times the 4th wall has broken' board.

"I'm Molly O'Flannigan! I'm first mate to the Capricorn pirates and Yuki-Rin's half sister. I have another friend named Maeve back on me home island!" another girl, this time with chin-length black hair shook the brown haired girl's hand.

"I'm Heathcliffe Sarutobi, one of the Capricorns' musicians," a black haired boy wearing punk rock clothing said.

"I'm Holden Sarutobi and that is Soren Sarutobi. We are the other musicians," another boy said while pointing to a man a few years older than himself. The introductions to the mortician continued in this manner. Maeve even got to meet Isabella Sarutobi, the resident ghost that lives in Heathcliffe's scythe.

"Sugoii! This is so awesome!" the fifteen year old was happily wiggling, pleased to finally meet her pen pals.

"No, Aoi. They are not going to corrupt me! What the hell do you mean 'corrupt' anyway? I'm a pirate! And your only twelve so go watch some anime!" the mortician shook her fist at an invisible individual. The other pirate crew shrugged it off. Hey, they had a talking cat and a ghost living on their ship. They've seen weirder.

"Hi I'm Dewey! The blacksmith! And this is my friend Alec!" a thirteen year old blonde boy said. He motioned towards a black cat on his shoulder who nodded at the girl.

"I'm Hatori Chidori. The fisherman," a blue haired teen said.

"Kazuma Miyafuji and I'm the swordsman." another sixteen year old said. This one was a boy with blonde dreadlocks and blue eyes.

"Ah! Zoro talks about you. Something about annoying child..." the mortician mumbled the last part under her breath.

"Hello, I'm Kartik Abingdon. I'm the Capricorn's shipwright." a purple haired man stepped forward.

"I'm Karin! I'm one of the snipers and I'm also Kartik's beloved!" an orange haired woman shouted happily trying to hug a squirming Kartik.

"Fufufu, no she's not, I'm Z.G. And that girl is Drusilla, we are the other two snipers," this time an albino man with long silver hair. He was pointing towards a blonde woman with sunglasses on.

"I'm Aki Chung-Feng and since the authoress is losing ways for us to introduce ourselves, the rest of the crews names' are Maki-chan, Matsu Takeshima, Hana and Aria Yukashi, Yulia Tadase, Daisuke Saburo, Sebastian Hozuki, Enlai Li, Wolfgang Katsuragi, Ajax, Showtaru Shinohara, Gareth Archer, Thierry Brighton, Ageha Midori, and finally Akari Shimura!" the rest of the Capricorns waved to the mortician who sweat dropped.

/

Meanwhile, Zoro was giving out the rest of the roles to his 'family'.

"So, Lucci is my aunt Roxanne, Kaku is my uncle Joey, while Kalifa, Jyabura, Spandam, Blueno, Kumadori, and Jinbe are their children, my cousins, who are named Marcus, Alaska, Rinto, Yoshi the III, Panties, and Sakura. In that order. Mihawk will pretend to be my father and Perona my sister. Moria, you and Crocodile are my gay uncles named Ritzi and Popo. Doflamigo you and Hancock are my grandparents from China so your names are too hard to pronounce. You two don't talk at all. Just shout random words people if they try talking to you. Who else is left?" the green haired swordsman said checking off a board that was upside down.

Kidd raised his hand, and not a second later Zoro called out who Kidd was going to play,"Oh yeah. Forgot about you. Well you will be my mom."

"What the hell is wrong with you!" the red haired pirate yelled.

"Don't ask me, Maeve is the one who made this list."

"Oh, seems legit then."

_"Yeah, tots legit." _light-Luffyko said with a sigh.

/

Later at the party Nami suddenly noticed the absence of a certain mortician.

"Has anyone seen Maeve? Or Holden, for that matter?" she asked watching as the rest of the guests shake their heads.

"There they are!" Molly shouted pointing out towards a small boat sailing away from a flaming cruise ship. As the boat got nearer the pirates could make out the conversation between the Capricorn and the Strawhat.

"Maeve, what the hell was all that?!" the black-and-blue haired man said waving an arm towards the still burning ship.

"I'm not exactly sure of what your referring to." the girl replied trying to avoid eye contact with the man.

"You just sunk an entire cruise ship, Maeve!" he declared motioning again towards the passenger ship. Yep still burning.

"A-are you sure? I, I think I would remember something like that." she said still refusing to look at her ship-buddy.

"I watched as you fired a harpoon into the captain's face!" Holden presented.

"My, that sounds dangerous." the mortician said sticking a finger into her nose.

"You were head-butting children off the side of the ship!" he had gone back to pointing at the burning wreckage. The guests of the party stared at the fifteen year old in amazement and disbelief.

"That must have been horrifying to watch. I feel bad for you."

"Bad for me!? After that you started making out with the ice sculptures!" Holden was not very happy.

"Well thank god the children weren't on board to see that!" Maeve, however, was remaining optimistic.

"Uhhhhh... Maeve why is the life boat all red and sticky?" the Capricorn asked staring down at the, yep, you guessed it! Very red and very sticky life boat!

"Wow~! I guess you could say it's red and sticky, couldn't ya?" she stared down at the mess too, but she seemed to know what it was.

"Maeve, what are we standing in?" the black haired man looked again at his psychotic boat buddy.

"Would you believe it is strawberry milkshake?" she asked curiously gazing at the man.

"No, Maeve. I would not believe that."

"Melted gumdrops?"

"No."

"Boat nectar?"

"No!"

"Some of God's tears?"

"Tell me the truth, Maeve!" he shouted, reaching his wit's end.

"FINE... It's the lovely elderly couple from 2-B." she mumbled kicking her foot against the side of the boat.

"Maeve~!" he said, drawing out her name in a disappointed fashion.

"They were, uhhh, they were taking all the crescent roles." she shrugged. Hey she loved crescent roles!

"I can't believe what I'm hearing!" he said clutching his hair.

"Hey! I will not apologize for art!" she pouted staring again at the, wait let me check, yep! Still burning cruise ship.

"Where are the other life boats?" he asked looking around trying to spot any. Needless to say he failed.

"Wow! You won the prize! I didn't even notice that!" the psych ward escapee said happily.

"Where are the other life boats, Maeve?" Holden asked again.

"Well, judging from the trajectory of the moon and the sun, probably at the bottom of the ocean. I bit lots of holes in them!" she said the last part almost proudly.

"Maeve!" give you three guesses who said that.

"I-I have a serious problem," Maeve shrugged.

"That's an understatement!" he replied.

"Wait do you hear that? That is the sound of forgiveness, Holden," the mortician put a hand up to her ear to hear the lovely sound of forgiveness.

"No, Maeve. That is the sound of people drowning."

"That's what forgiveness sounds like. Screaming and then silence."

/

Cut to the kitchen, where Sanji and Chopper are decorating a giant cake. Sanji was almost finishing the decorating. So far the cake had a lovely mish-mash of pop culture references. There was the Homestuck troll signs, a mocking jay pin, a pokeball, a pink cancer ribbon, and a death eater's mask. Chopper stared at the cake with disappointment. Sanji noticed the reindeer's dislike and properly took care of his little buddy.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Chopper? Did Maeve dress you up like a stantler again?" the blonde cook was putting some three pointed shurikens on the cake.

"Shut up! I don't want to talk about that incident ever again! And you should put these on the cake!" the doctor, after flipping off the cook with a plastic hand, pulled out several objects from his pants. The objects were none other than... The sigils to the houses Baratheon, Stark, Lannister, Arryn, Tully, Tyrell, and Greyjoy!

"Chopper! You are a genius!" Sanji picked up the crests and placed them on the cake. He then carried the cake out while doing the wiggle-my-legs-go-in-eighteen-different-directions-dance.

/

Outside, Hana was talking to Maeve all the while pulling out a suspicious book from behind her.

"...So that is why Yoai is the greatest invention to troll kind!" she concluded waving the book in front of Maeve. The fifteen year old sweat dropped.

"That is all you've said! Just let me read the book! I think I can figure out what Yaoi is..." the mortician said snatching the book out of the Capricorn's hand. As she opened the book her jaw dropped to the floor. A large beam of light came down on the fifteen year-old mortician holding the doujinshi of UsoppXSanji goodness. As she stared in awe at the lovely book a choir of heavenly angels sung into the sky. A now angry authoress punched her dark self in the face for wasting their Mutsuri-con(5) money on a professional British choir and a Hollywood spotlight.

"This is... This is... This is..." Maeve stuttered openly gaping at the lovely pictures of the miracle known as Yaoi. She took a shaky breath and uttered the phrase that released her one-and-only male personality into a fit of Insanity and rage.

"SO FUCKING AWESOME!"

All of a sudden her face twisted into an expression of shock. Then her eyes narrowed.

"Excuse me, ojou-san. I need to go let off some steam," the girl said, her bangs fell over her eyes as she muttered under her breath. The girl handed back the doujinshi and headed towards the towering cake that Sanji just put onto a table on deck. From under the table was a certain 'friend' that the Strawhats thought they would never see again.

Mr. Fluffykins(6) had made his return. Maeve started up her beloved chainsaw and started to cut through the cake. After a minute the possessed body finally lost it and had to release the rage pooling in the brain.

"... MCGIGGLESWORTH CAN SUCK MY MCMUFFINS!" did I mention she is a psych ward escapee?

/

All the pirates sat down outside in the beautiful glow of the moonlight. They were eating the delicious feast made possible by taking Mr. Fluffykins away from Maeve and locking the girl in a closet until she calmed down. Anyway Yuki-Rin stood up to make an announcement to the gathered pirates.

"Well, we must thank you all for offering to throw us this party. We really had fun reading 'Da Hunger Games: Director's Cuts' and filming Usopp get eaten by Ajax."

"Now for the main event..."

"Cue the apocalypse!" Maeve shouted.

All of a sudden volcanos started exploding, pirates being crushed by giant baby heads, Justin Beiber's baby on an endless loop in the background. It was torture! Until the authoress wakes up, that is...

/

"WAAAAAA!" Luffyko sat up, panting hard.

"You okay boss-lady?" the mortician asked eating waffles next to her, watching Sgt. Frog.

"Yeah, just don't introduce Bullet to Yaoi... I should stop reading the 'DysFUNctional Pirates' before bed."

"Whatever you say... By the way when is the next chapter of AHP coming out?"

"Whenever I feel like it, BE-ATCH."

/

AN: well... Don't kill me. I answered your request Yuki-Rin! Finally got off my lazy butt and did this before you leave for home! It has a lot of words. About 3,750! New record peeps. Anyway my birthday is coming up on the 9th so look out for special chapters of AHP and Playhouse! Love you all!

(1)To read about the adventure at the Learning Annex please read the DysFUNctional Pirates chapter 3

(2)Who's that Pokemon? Whoever gets it right in a review gets cookies!

(3)Please read OP: A Hundred Perspectives to be fully met by the mpd sufferer and her mind neighbors.

(4)Draw a Circle There's the Earth Sealand version-

Draw a circle, there's the earth

Draw a circle, there's the earth

Draw a circle, there's the earth

I'm Sea-kun~!

Draw a circle, there's the earth

Look carefully, there's the earth

Could it be, there's the earth?

I'm Sea-kun!~

Ah, with a single brush stroke

You can see a wonderful world

My hobby is leisurely surfing the internet!

Sealand!

(5)I'm going to Mutsuri con in Columbus you crappy bastards! :)

(6)To formally meet Mr. Fluffykins, please read AHP: Playhouse of the Sick and Hilarious.

(7) The Capricorn Pirates belong to Oxenstierna D. Yuki-Rin.


	4. Visitor's Hours

Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece or the Capricorns. The first belong to Eiichero Oda-sensei, and the second belong to Oxensertia D. Yuki-Rin. This chapter is dedicated to Heathcliffe and Aki, for being one of the cutest couples I have ever seen! It is placed after the Mr. Chung-Feng arc.

/

On board the _Hyperion, _Aki Chung-Feng was nervously pacing back and forth outside the Capricorn's infirmary. She had tears running down her face, worrying about her dear boyfriend, Heathcliffe Sarutobi, who was receiving some more treatment after leaving the island her father lived on. She didn't notice the two shadows watching her depressing mood.

/

"Daisuke, are you sure that this is a good idea? I mean what is this just makes everything worse?" Yulia crossed her arms, watching as the boy dialed the number.

"It'll be alright Yulia! She'll be able to cheer everyone up! And everyone will be alright! Ajax got over his indigestion from Usopp," the younger boy waved his hand in front of his face. The den den mushi was finished dialing the number of what is known as the craziest party guest, by the Capricorns, three countries still consider it Galley-La's unofficial spokesman/thing, Garp the Brony.

/

"Bararararara... Bararararara... Ka-chak!" the squirrel shaped den den mushi said as it was being picked up. The person watched as the phone spouted Daisuke's request.

"We need your help. Everyone is in a slump and we need you to cheer them up. Especially Aki... Ahck! Their coming! Please agree!" the phone shouted.

"Deal." after that the mysterious person hung up the phone.

/

All the Capricorns, minus Heathcliffe, Soren and Ageha, were gathered on the deck, waiting for Daisuke's surprise. Aki was continuing her nervous pacing.

"Daisuke, when are you going to give us the surprise?" Yuki-Rin was leaning on Kazuma watching as Aki paced back and forth.

"It'll be here any minute now," he kept watching toward the west.

Yulia was also pacing, but no one knew why. Karin then decided now would be a good chance to hug Kartik.

"Kartik, my dear... How should we cheer Aki-chan up?" she tried to grab his arm, but was foiled by him dodging. All of a sudden a blur crashed into the stalker, while dramatic music played in the background. The smoke cleared to reveal none other than...

Foley Maeve!

"What the hell is up, bitches! Guess who's back for more awesomeness in a tin can! Let's eat marshmallows and set my Hamtaro plushie on fire! Now who's ready for... Who the hell am I standing on?" the mortician looked down towards a now crushed Karin. She then shrugged and stepped off the ex-CP5 agent. Then Soren stepped onto the deck.

"Hey, Holden what was tha... AHHHHHHHH!" all of a sudden Soren's pants dropped in surprise once he laid his eyes on their guest. The mortician smiled and suddenly pulled out a bottle of 'Panda Love' shampoo. Then something dropped out of the sky, floating using a parachute. She grabbed the box and pulled out a box made out of music sheets.

"Thank you, Nyan Cat-chan! I can't wait till we ride on your pop-tarty goodness again! Come back in about a day!" she called up to Nyan Cat, who was now running away, pooping rainbows and singing the Nyan song. The Capricorn's sweat dropped.

"Hey, Maeve, why are you here?" Kazuma watched as the mortician waved to the fading pop tart cat. She turned to face the swordsman and smiled evilly.

"Oh, Kazuma, I heard from a little squirrel that you guys were in the dumps so I came to get the get well party started. Thierry, break out the beer!" Maeve said happily shoving a fist into the air. Everyone stared at the fifteen year old.

"Yes! Let's get this party started!" Daisuke jumped up, happily high five-ing Maeve.

"Diasuke, did you call Maeve?" Hatori asked pointing at the mortician, who was pulling out a mystery box.

"Well, yeah. Everyone was upset, so Maeve was just what the crazy pharmacist ordered!" Yulia's face palmed as her fellow thief replied. This was going to be a long night...

/

**BOOM!**

"What the hell was that!?" Molly stormed back onto the deck of the _Hyperion. _What she saw shocked her. A large whale shaped rocket had impaled itself into the deck, still smoking. Guess who was ten feet away, knocked onto their asses? If you guessed Maeve, Thierry, Holden, Maki-Chan, Zoro, Ajax, and Dewey you get a brownie!

"When the hell did you get this on the ship?" the first mate asked, staring at the 'whale' of a rocket.

"Haha. Luffyko told another corny joke!" Ajax said staring up at the sky. Maeve stared at the pigeon in horror.

"He's speaking in tongues! Quick get me some BBQ sauce and three pounds of guacamole! We must perform the exorcism!" she shook the Capricorn's mascot violently.

"Hey, Dewey, when did Zoro get on the ship?" Maki-Chan asked staring at the green haired man. However before Dewey got his chance to answer Holden stepped in, his shirt burnt off his body, even though his torso suffered no wounds.

"I think he's trying to renew his stalking license," the hot musician said as he pulled a wobbly Thierry to his feet.

"I don't need no potaters! I only need meh Wisconsin style monkey farts!" everyone stared at the helmsman.

"What?" Dewey asked, backing away from the alcoholic slowly. Everyone followed his lead.

"Molly, what was that 'boom' we heard?" Ageha yelled from the infirmary. Before the Irish girl could respond, Maeve yelled back.

"Don't worry, Ageha, Kartik can fix it!"

"FIX WHAT?!" the doctor responded.

"Quick find Kartik!" Zoro yelled, jumping up from the floor.

/

In the galley, all the Capricorns, minus Heathcliffe, and Maeve were gathered for a delicious meal. Aki was sniffling, and this did not go unnoticed by the mortician. So what was she to do, but start a...

"FOOD FIGHT!" the fifteen year old guest did not understand she had once again started the apocalypse. She threw her piece of cherry pie straight into Sebastian's face, causing him to accidentally dump hot soup onto Soren, Holden, and Kazuma. The three jumped around, trying to pull off their pants. (Fanservice!) As the three were pulling down their pants, revealing the teenagers' smexy boxers, Kazuma accidentally bumped into Showtaro, who then spilled some of his drink onto Alec and Dewey. Those two got upset so they threw a leg of turkey at the older boy.

However it missed, causing a whole new chain of events. The turkey leg hit Hitori in the face, knocking him unconscious. His limp form fell onto Drusilla, who was taken by surprise and tried to get the unconscious boy off her lap. Her flailing knocked a gravy boat up into the air. The gravy boat hit true, dumping the contents onto Yuki-Rin's head. Everyone suddenly became silent, waiting for the explosion.

The silence was broken by none other than the person who started the whole mess.

"Whoops."

"You'll pay for that, Maeve!" the captain smiled, showing a great amount of malice for their guest. The fifteen year old was just trying to cheer them up! But that didn't mean they weren't going to get even if she went too far.

Daisuke brought up a bowl full of mashed potatoes, throwing them at the mortician.

"Hahahahahhahaha! You'll never take me alive! Sheep terrorists!" she ran out of the room, heading towards the infirmary. Several of the Capricorns followed after. Back in the galley, Aki realized where they were headed.

"Oh No!"

/

Heathcliffe had just woken to the weirdest battle ever. That might actually be an understatement. All the poor man-beautiful person knew was that some crazy shit was going down.

"I summon you from hammer space, POTATO GUN!" Maeve yelled, pulling a bazooka-like weapon out of nowhere.

"I choose you, random giant kiwi!" Yuki-Rin yelled hurling the giant kiwi at the mortician. For some reason, Daisuke was duct taped to the kiwi.

"KIWI-MON, KI-KIWIWI-MONMON!" Daisuke yelled. He had Japanese puberty as of five seconds ago.

"Go, winged cake!" Hana yelled her flying cake going forth to battle the other food items.

"You guys! Sarutobi-kun needs his rest! Get out!" Aki stormed into the infirmary. She saw the Capricorns engaging in the weirdest phenomenon ever to hit this part of the grand line. This is what it looked like. Probably shouldn't have typed that. Or that. SHIT! STOP TYPING FINGERS! BWHDUSYEURYWFZCS CNAJS FU*K!

"I think the Luffyko-chan just died of spasms," Aoi said, taking over Maeve's body for a second.

Hana, Maeve, and Yuki-Rin was participating in a parody of Yu-Gi-Oh! and Pokémon at the same time. They were cosplaying as Yugi(Yuki-Rin), Kaiba(Maeve), and Pikachu(Hana). Holden and Soren were tied together over a giant bubbling pot. Did I mention they were shirtless? Yulia, Sadie, and Blaise were dueling with giant Q-tips. Thierry and Dewey were singing 'Bone to be Wild'. Alec was swinging from the lights. Z.G. and England from Hetalia was trying to tie Kaoru to Busby's Chair. Karin had her head stuck in a pickle jar. Aki had to laugh at the hilarious ness of the scene.

"Yay! Aki's no longer sad!" Maeve regained control of her body, dancing around. Suddenly the potato gun went of and the potato bounced around the room. Guess who it hit? If you guessed Heathcliffe, you get a second brownie! The youngest Sarutobi clutched his head, and the tailor rushed to her boyfriend.

"Are you ok, Sarutobi-kun?" she fussed. Heathcliffe smiled at her.

"I am now," he said before he pulled Aki into a kiss. Everyone in the room stopped what they were doing and left the room, giving the couple some privacy.

/

"Goodbye, everyone! I wish I didn't have to go, but bodies don't sew themselves up!" she waved to the Capricorns.

It was the next day, and Maeve had to go back to the _Thousand Sunny _for work. And by work, the members of Luffyko Inc. mean slacking off, getting beat up by Nami for the first part, reading Yaoi, getting beat up by Nami again, and taking care of the Strawhats boredom (as well as occasionally fulfilling her actual job by playing with corpses found in the sea).

"We'll keep in touch, okay Maeve! Don't forget to send us the video of Ajax eating Usopp!" Daisuke said.

"Wait, Maeve, how are you going to get home?" Kartik asked.

"Oh! Easy! Uhhh... Nyan Cat-chan!" she yelled. Suddenly, the pop tart cat flew down from the sky, landing next to the mortician. She hopped on. Then the duo flew into the sky, Nyan Cat pooping rainbows and singing the Nyan song.

"Well, that was random," Garp the Brony said putting his hand on Daisuke's head.

"WHEN THE HELL DID YOU GET HERE!?" the Capricorns yelled.

/

Don't kill me. I had this written a few weeks ago but my computer broke and school started. And remember if you kill me I won't be able to write anymore lovely crack fics. Check out my pole, and I have to say I will change kingdom hearts to Avengers cause I just recently got smitten with FrostIron. :)

I will update A Hundred Perspectives in a few days, love you all so much!

*runs away while dodging pitchforks*


	5. All the Parodies in Shanghai

Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece or the Capricorns. Again the former belong to Eiichero Oda and the latter belong to Yuki-Rin. I also don't own any funny parodies that pop up.

Bullet:(Presenting: All the Parodies in Shanghai.)[based loosely on the book All the Flowers in Shanghai]

/

One bright, sunny day in the lovely, sandy highway somewhere in the southern United States of Evillous, Z.G., Drussilia, and Karin were driving in a beautiful red Mercedes Bens, blaring 'Party like a Rockstar', but they were unaware of the danger approaching. A dark haired figure walked on the same road waiting for the thing she liked to refer to as a 'stress reliever'. But before we get too graphic and gory let's cut to the **REAL STORY.**

"No fair. I have to hold a fucking piece of steak up to my eye, and I want to **kick some tail fin.**"

"Well, now that everyone knows how pissed you are, Luffyko, let's just get on with All the Parodies in Shanghai. Which means we have to catch our five o' clock towards China," Bullet said, putting a hand on the authoresses' shoulder.

No one heard from him again for a month.

/

In the lovely little town of Shanghai, a teenage girl walked slowly down the road with her elderly looking grandfather. This young girl was none other than Yuki-Rin, more commonly referred to as 'stress relief' by the authoress right now. And for some reason her grandfather was Silver Rayleigh. They appeared to be discussing something that you wouldn't expect them to talk about.

"I'm telling you Gramps, it's that you can grow square watermelon! You can grow square anything as long as you keep it in a box!" Yuki-Rin said, waving her arms about.

***CRASH!***

Suddenly, a flower pot crashed to the road, nearly hitting Yuki-Rin on the head.

"MEEGLE MOOGLE MIGGLE KIT!" a fat woman had thrown her ceramic vase to the road below, causing several police cars to arrive. The police chief Spandam got out of his car and looked up to the crazy green haired lady.

"What the hell grandma! You were supposed to stay in your bucket today!" he shouted gaining the attention of the fat grandma.

"Whoooaaa, look at the wee leetle puppet man, trying to be a real supervillian," she said swaying back and forth. Something she had said set Spandam off.

"You son of a milkshake! Taste my CLAY RECTANGULAR OBJECT!" the police chief shouted, throwing a brick in slow motion. Said object also flew in slow motion, all the while 'We Are the Champions' played in the background. As it hit her face, she leaned back setting her body into Hancock's signature position. She then fell forward onto one of the police cars and mentally scarred the blue haired girl sitting in the back seat.

"Wanna go sit in a phone booth?" Rayleigh asked, watching the obese woman's leg twitch.

"Sure," Yuki-Rin answered, watching with a deadpanned as the police chief was eaten by the christmas pterodactyl(1).

/

Once Yuki-Rin had picked up the some groceries, she headed back to her mansion, where she, her sister Aki, Mihawk, and Hancock lived as a happy rich family. As she walked through the front door, eating Pocky and humming Reborn!'s opening theme song, she heard her sister's frustrated yell.

"Yuki-Rin where are... WHAT THE SWISS CHEESE ARE YOU DOING?!" Aki yelled, staring at the girl. "Why are you dressed in Flogging Molly t-shirts, eating pocky, and singing anime theme songs? They don't exist yet!"

"I do what I want, turd burglar."

"Fine. Come watch 'Breakfast at Tiffany's' with me. Come on now," she said, trying to drag our protagonist to their living room.

"I said I do what I want!" Yuki-Rin yelled, grabbing onto one of the chairs, and when that failed, dragged her fingernails through the wooden floor, bringing up long strips of wood as she was dragged by her sister.

"JUST WHAT THE LEMON ARE YOU TWO DOING NOW!?" their mother for this crack fic, Mihawk, had just arrived home with their father, Boa Hancock. They walked into their living room to see their two daughters slapping each other with golden magikarp. Boa picked them up by their shirts and threw them into the coat closet.

"Honey, just let them peel their own bananas."

/

We cut to the river, where Yuki-Rin was now, after escaping from the closet using a platypus, a twin set of dish towels, and three sticks of deodorant.

"Man, why do I get in trouble for eating pocky? That's complete violation of my nonexistent rights in this time period/country," she ranted, walking downstream towards a sleeping shape by a fishing pole. As she got closer she saw that it was a blonde dreadlocked boy, wearing only a pair of blue skinny jeans. His name was Kazuma Miyafugi, and Yuki-Rin knew this by the giant sign he was laying under as well.

"Hey, any lampreys biting today?" she asked, promptly waking the boy up.

"Nope. Hey, I'm bored, you're cute, wanna make out?" Kazuma responded.

"Sure," she agreed, then the two started a hot make out session, and in the background some sexy music played.

You may wonder who had the cd player. It was dark-Luffyko and Wiffles, preparing to sell Yuki-RinXKazuma pictures to crazy fan girls. By the way, if Oxysertia D. Yuki-Rin asks about pictures of KartikXMatsu, HeatchliffeXAki, KazumaXYuki-Rin, or AjaxXIsabella coming from some place on the East Coast, I have no~ idea about any~ of those. (Special deal 50% off when you buy three or more![2])

/

A few months pass, and now Aki is very ill. What is she sick with? Let's find out.

"Well, it's official, she is pregnant," Doctor Bepo said, shaking his head.

"What!?" everyone yells, staring at the Chinese girl in shock.

"Oops! I'm sorry, this is Ace's test results," the bear said, ruffling through his breakfast shaped briefcase, "Here we go! She has BI-LO disease[4]. She will want to eat strawberry ice cream until she explodes.

"What! But I love strawberries!" Aki complained, grabbing for her betrothed's hand.

"Question mark cake is better," Yuki-Rin said, flippantly flipping through a magazine about pancakes and proper flipping techniques.

"I hate you! Get out!" the sick woman yelled, pointing towards the door.

"Fine! And I'll take the kids with me!" Yuki-Rin responded, grabbing Ajax and slamming the door. Five minutes later she came back into the room.

"That was the closet... Now I'm leaving!"

/

A few weeks later, Aki's disease had escalated to a point where if even one strawberry-related object would come within ten feet of her, she would try an devour it. This included costumes, stickers, shirts, and ice cream. Needless to say, it was grating on everybody's nerves. The doctor was paying another visit.

Yuki-Rin and her grandfather were sitting in the living room, eating a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken. After about forever, or five minutes if you want to be technical, Doctor Bepo and his personal crime-fighting masseuse, Chopper, came out of the room carrying a suspicious looking, wriggling, strangely human-shapes bag, and delivered some devastating news.

"I'm sorry, but she died. Now we need to go, or we will miss traveling back in time to stop Boa Hancock from speaking at the learning annex[3]. I dearly hope that the chicken you're eating had been killed properly; torture," Bepo said, throwing the bag over his shoulder.

"Well, go have donuts, head to the Stark Expo, or make some rainbow cheese, cause you all bore me," Rayleigh said, walking out of the room.

"What a great role model pikachu is," Chopper said lazily, slowly backing out of the room. Everyone enjoyed an extremely awkward silence for the next few minutes.

/

A few weeks later, some devastating news was dropped on 'stress relief'.

"What the cinnamon toast crunch do you mean I have to marry one of the Sarutobis?!" Yuki-Rin shouted at her dad. Hancock only shook her head.

"I'm sorry, but for the sake of torturing you, I MEAN THE GOOD OF THE FAMILY, you must wed Holden Sarutobi, now go get dressed, the wedding reception starts in fifteen minutes."

"And why was I only told of this now?" Yuki-Rin asked, a dead pan expression crossing her face. Mihawk suddenly walked into the room wearing a pedo-bear suit.

"Don't talk back to your father. Now get in your wedding dress and get your chicken favored potatoes downstairs," he responded.

"They are pork flavored!" Ajax shouted, jumping up from the dresser's top drawer.

/

About twenty minutes later, Yuki-Rin had finally gotten dressed in a Rokudo Mukuro cosplay outfit and had been successfully forced to, I MEAN AGREED TO, marry Holden Sarutobi. It was now the reception party thing, and nearly everyone was enjoying themselves. Including Dr. Bepo's crime fighting masseuse, who was now intoxicated by chocolate bunnies. The little reindeer human hybrid stumbled over to our protagonist and spilled a life changing secret.

"Hey, Zoro! I just figured it out! You aren't trading Pokemon cards with Sanji! You're trading them with Luffy!" [5] he said happily, swinging one of his beloved chocolate bunnies around his immediate area.

"What?" Yuki-Rin responded. Then came a secret probably worth less attention.

"Oh, yeah! Aki and Heathcliffe managed to fake her death so they could flee to Mexico," he said, leaning on the main table.

"B*TCH, WHAT THE HE..." at that moment, a woman, who will remain nameless, tasered Yuki-Rin. The older woman claimed it was for sexual harassment.

/

Nine months later, Yuki-Rin found that living in the Sarutobi mansion to be near unbearable. Kalifa, Holden's mother, always looked down upon Yuki-Rin, especially when she didn't behave like Aki would have. The rest of the family also disapproved of her, which made our heroine's daily life very difficult. She still had Holden, who is a sexy badass, and she had a baby on the way. But she had a plan to try and get back at Aki, her parents, and everyone who forced her to marry Holden.

A baby girl was born, and I would describe to you this baby, but you already know who she is. This child was named Maeve. And the night after her birth, Yuki-Rin grabbed Maeve and snuck outside, walking to a mysterious telephone booth.

She waited for about fifteen minutes, and then two mysterious figures stepped out of the mysterious phone booth. It was a young girl and a cat.

"Jodie, Alec, please take this baby with you! I'll pay you in gum!" Yuki-Rin begged, thrusting the small baby into the blonde's hands. The cat responded instead.

"Make the flavors Kiwi and BBQ and you have yourself a deal," the cat held out a paw towards Yuki-Rin.

"Deal." And the group of three left on a flaming pop tart.

/

After several years, Yuki-Rin had given birth to a Battlebot building champion, Franky, and had continued with life. One day, however, a familiar visitor payed a visit.

Yuki-Rin was walking by the family kitchens when she heard Holden's voice.

"So you can do this and only that?" he sounded exasperated over something.

"Yep, but I can do this very well, so I can cover for her anytime." Was Holden cheating on her? She peeked in to see Holden along with a girl of about 15 talking to him, with short brown hair and a servant's outfit on. She grew upset and ran to her room. The conversation was not over yet, though.

"I'm glad you could cover for Sanji, Maeve... But he's a guy," Holden sweat dropped, and rubbed the back of his head. Maeve frowned.

"No, I have a theory where Sanjiko switched places with her twin brother, Sanji, without anyone knowing," she explained, smacking the back of her hand into her open palm.

"So I guess everyone will be having burritos and pizza for the next week."

"Yep!"

"Learn to make more food." the sexy Sarutobi anime slapped the fifteen year old.

/

A few hours later, Yuki-Rin had come out to try console herself by watching her son build a Battlebot. She walked down to the fourteen year olds work shop, only to see him animatedly explaining his Battlebots to the same servant girl that had been talking to Holden.

"So then, my Franky Battlebot ver.732 punched the giant bot made out of Marshmallows and won us the competition!" the blue haired boy finished up the story, motioning towards a statue shaped like a waffle. The brown hair girl laughed, and started asking more questions about his competitions, but Yuki-Rim left before the young boy had anything more to say. She went up to her room and grabbed her Mad Hatter cosplay. She then grabbed the keys to Nyan Cat and jumped out the window, landing perfectly on the driveway.

/

Yuki-Rin had ridden Nyan Cat all the way to the city, where the annual punk music festival was being held. She walked down the semi-crowded street, eyes only focused on her destination. Blueno's Not-Suspicious-At-All candy store.

"Blueno! I need some pocky! And anything else you got that doesn't smell like fly paper!" the run away shouted, running into two port-a-potties tied together with twine. Blueno was tidying up his miniature bathtub, when he heard the request.

"Shit. Someday I will manage to sell that flypaper scented toilet," he swore. He got up and walked into of the gorilla shaped room, where our protagonist was now wearing her cosplay costume.

"Okay, I got some train tickets and I have Skittles, M'n'Ms, pocky, and yellow gummy bears, I'll let you take them if... You can get me a magic lamp."

But Yuki-Rin had just grabbed the candy and train tickets before she left, leaving only a bottle of newt eye ball shaped marbles to console the shady cow-man and his toilet.

/

The train was headed to a small town by the name of 'Afro Circus'. Yuki-Rin was sitting next to a strange cloaked man, who was gripping a strange object shaped like a giant candy cane. Suddenly, he jumped out of the window, dragging three old ladies and a few demigods with him.

"Well, we just lost some more runaways, Daisuke! Bring Chibi!Thor is pop tarts!" Aoi yelled, waving a piece of liverwurst around.

/

Once Yuki-Rin had arrived in Circus Afro, she walked slowly towards a strange looking inn with a strange sign that said 'Homestuck Inn' in extremely strange lettering. She walked inside to discover a young green haired women behind a strange counter.

"The authoress should really stop using the adjective 'strange'," Yuki-Rin said, walking up to the counter.

"Ahh! You must be a traveler! Welcome to the Homestuck inn! I'm Makino!" the women said, ignoring the poor authoress crying in the emo corner. Yuki-Rin stared at the woman, before putting the Triforce of Power on the counter.

"I'll let you have this piece of the triumph forks if you let me work here," she said, motioning to the triangle.

"Okay!"

/

A few weeks later, Yuki-Rin has adjusted to her new life at the Homestuck inn. She spends her days working at the reception desk and nights watching tv with Makino, who is Kazuma's mother in this fic. We join them on a relatively peaceful night.

"So... Have you had any word from Kazuma?" Yuki-Rin asked, watching her boss flipping through channels. The green haired woman turned and smiled.

"Ah! Yes! He had to flee to Mexico! He said something about finding a 'daddy of his baby' or something," she responded. Yuki-Rin sweat dropped.

"You mean his baby daddy?" she asked. Suddenly the oven beeped.

"Ahh! I need to get that or the gingerbread men will keep the neighbors up! The Wilkins don't really enjoy the sound of tiny men made out of bread screaming in searing pain," Makino said, before getting up and leaving the room.

Yuki-Rin contemplated the situation while a Shamwow! commercial played on the tv. She wanted to find Kazuma, but she wondered how. It hit her as the jingle played. Faking her own death! Our protagonist fell to the ground and started twitching, causing Makino to return to the living room.

"Oh no! What do I do!" the innkeeper said, watching as Yuki-Rin stopped moving. After five minutes, Makino decided she didn't want to deal with that crazy genie that's supposed to come out of the dead person's ears and took Yuki-Rin to the morgue.

After Makino had dropped the protagonist off at the morgue, Yuki-Rin ran to the airport and snuck on the first flight to Mexico.

/Epilogue/

One evening, Franky and Maeve were sitting on the couch, watching the Academy awards, since nothing better was on. Ace, who was shirtless with only a bow tie[6].

"And now for the two actors who brought weirdness to 'Monty Python's Scott Pilgrim vs. The Rocky Inception Hunger Games at Tiffany's', Aki and Heathcliffe!" he yelled to a cheering crowd.

"Isn't she supposed to be dead?" Franky asked. Maeve only shrugged and continued to eat her beloved burrito.

Suddenly, two cosplayers drove by in a black pick up truck, egging the two actors while laughing maniacally. It was Yuki-Rin and Kazuma!

"Aren't they supposed to be dead?" Maeve asked, glancing at an open mouthed Franky.

/

Hello! Luffyko here! Please wait patiently for AHP! Please send in any OCs you want and vote in my poll! See the button down there? Well, if you review, then I will post a story on here containing our newest personality! If anyone can guess his name (and I won't pull any tricks) and I will even give you guys a hint! He shares a name with a male vocaloid. If you Review more than once, I will post a chapter about Bepo, Chopper, and our new personality trying to stop Boa Hancock from speaking at the learning annex!

(1)=If you can give me the name of the show this came from, you get a cookie shaped like Bullet! If you can name the exact episode, you get a cookie shaped like our newest personality!

[2]= No, I don't sell any of these. I'm sorry, this is why you don't give me MT. Dew when I'm being stuck in a car for twelve hours.

[3]= As you can tell by reading the Learning Annex chapter of The DysFUNctional Pirates, they failed

[4]= Can anyone guess where I got the name? Give you a hint, I was stuck in a car for about five hours when this was written.

[5]= Is it just me or does this sound like a euphemism for something... Punching each other in the face!

[6]= This is for you LadyUzuScarlet! Sorry about not including him much in the last one!


	6. Sassy, Gay Friend of Teinosuke

I don't own One Piece, Teinosuke, or the Capricorn Pirates. The first belongs to Eiichero Oda. The last two belong to my dear friend, Oxynsiertia D. Yuki-Rin!

"Meet Teinosuke Fujimori from the awesome sauce fanfic of 'One Piece: Parallel Works'. He has become very obsessed with his childhood sweetheart, Aki Chung-Feng, member of the zany Capricorn pirates, and it will lead into minor sexual harassment and a near-murder of Aki's boyfriend, Heathcliffe Sarutobi. This fate could've been avoided if he had a Sassy, Gay Friend."

In the Chung-Feng household, Teinosuke had just pushed Aki back down onto her own bed. The girl was struggling against his advances, but to no avail. Suddenly, the door to the luxurious room was flung open.

Leon then entered Aki's bedroom. He had a sparkly, peach scarf around his neck.

"What are you doing?! What, what, WHAT are you doing?!" Leon asked the doctor of the Stockholm Syndrome pirates, who was trying to force/cuddle a beautiful, Chinese girl by the name of Aki Chung-Feng.

"I'm trying to get Aki to fall in love with me so she could dump that emo boy she's in love with," Teinosuke explained. Leon facepalmed.

"You are a stupid bi*ch! That's not love, that's sexual harassment, in the words of Kalifa from CP9!" Leon yelled, pointing at the love crazy pirate

"But how else will I get my dear Aki to realize I know what's best for her?" he tilted his head to the side, staring at the thirteen year old. Leon sighed.

"You are seriously still going on about this? It's time you let her go!" the blonde Frenchie sweat dropped.

"But, we had feelings for each other before Aki's mother died and I joined the Stockholm Syndrome Pirates!" Teinosuke argued, slowly adjusting his grip on the Chinese girl

"Okay, joining the Stockholm Syndrome Pirates is code-name for 'I want to become so deprived, that I harass the girl I used to know upon reuniting with her'. That is just sick," Leon explained, motioning slightly towards Aki.

"It is not sick! And how would you know anyway? You're thirteen! You should just go watch some anime!" the doctor responded, pointing angrily at the blonde.

"I am a pirate! And I already have someone I love! So you can shut up! I now know why she loves Heathcliffe and not you!" the thirteen year old countered.

"She loved me before she left me for a boy who broods all day and dresses like an emo, dark poser," Teinosuke pointed out. Leon sighed, shaking his head at the poor, deranged man.

"Look, Teinosuke, I can see why Aki doesn't love you anymore. You can't let past relationships go! Move on!" Leon argued. "Plus, it's sexy when Heathcliffe broods! I can see why Aki picked him."

"Of course! Sarutobi-kun's handsome, sexy, ravishing, and man-beautiful! Move on, Teinosuke," Aki agreed, gaining some color back into her cheeks.

"See! You need to find someone new! You need to find someone who treats you right, like my dear Tsuna-kun!" he smiled seeing the crazed doctor climbing off of his childhood friend. The childhood friend then slowly got off the bed.

"But how will I find someone as special to me as Aki-chan?" Teinosuke crossed his arms, not noticing as Aki slowly crept towards the door.

"It's simple! Do you see this, you stupid bit*h?" Leon held up his glittering laptop, the screen facing the older man. "It's a dating website! It's called . You simply upload information about yourself and people will respond to your interests."

"Yes! Now my dear Aki will know more about me and fall in love with me and not that stupid bastard Sarutobi!" the doctor raised a hand victoriously, celebrating his 'victory'.

"Idiot, you're supposed to meet new people!" Leon faced the audience and shook his head. "Yeah, he's a stupid bit*h."

/

AN: Hey! Review if you want to see Maeve on drugs, the best Halloween party ever, or a easily mistaken Vampire!


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